My rating came in today

In the midst of what has been a very hard two weeks today Sweetpea felt it was most important that the Piper be paid. To which her ongoing assessment of me as a mother was made throughout the day. I confess I came in very low in the ratings and it hurt my feelings.

I know it shouldn't hurt my feelings but I have a 6 year old autocrat assessing my every move today, some of which were not stellar, and I struggled with not giving some "truth" right back at her.

I am not living in a state of grace at the moment. I am existing and hoping that I will make it through to the other side of this trial with an intact family and some ability to see where God has kept me from doing what I most eagerly would have done without him.

Sweetpea's demands for perfection are very hard for me to handle. I am a self driven person in that realm as it is and then to add a task master to the mix makes my hackles stand on end. I continually tell her that mama is a sinner and that I rejoice in being forgiven by Christ. To which she is eager to recount all my offenses one more time. In her mind I am the offender and she is innocent, she demands retribution from me.

As for the patients in my care:

• Oldest Button remains healthy and utterly helpful in all matters
• Second Button remains ill but there is slight progress towards health, 2 naps and lots of fluids helped
• Sweetpea still has a terrible infection in her left ear and is giving her lots of pain in her mouth and jaw (It is NOT stopping her from talking, lest you should worry!)
• Littlest Button is regaining strength and is almost on the cusp of kicking this thing, thanks to lots of antibiotics, naps and forces liquids
• My Beloved remains in a desperately incurable state. Another visit to the doctor and he got the pharmacy thrown at him! I think he has something like 7 scripts open at the moment to deal with this crud. He remains in bed and miserable.
• Grandma Helen, 76 years old, has broken a disc in her lower back and has gone from being frail but steady to discussions of nursing homes and hospital stays. She's at home alone right now and we are the first line of defense for her as her abilities are diminishing, both mentally and physically. Looking into getting her a wheelchair and in home nursing care.

Today Sweetpea also got her first cooking lesson, we started with that good old basic - J*ello. She made it for her ailing Baba as nothing else is appealing to him. Here are some snaps.