Going Above and Beyond

This week has been a trial to my heart. Sadly it is due to the realization that I have let things slip and that has created problems in Sweetpea's transition to our family. Generally there is the time of long illnesses that has been endured that has swayed me from my diligence but since regaining our footing I have been lax in getting back to the basics with her.

In honesty it is selfishness that causes me to not pick up on the daily therapy and get back into the routine. There was also a little denial that she had held it together so well with all the hospitalizations of the different ones of us that she was doing okay....... perhaps.... maybe......... not so bad.....

There has come a reversal in her demeanor recently. A going back to the familiar and known behavior for her that had diminished greatly almost to my hope of extinction----even though I know that it is entirely too early for that type of progress.

The intimacy that we had created doing therapy daily, several times a day, had allowed her space to change and explore a new life that she had never experienced before, and she was blossoming. Yet the selfish part of me cries over the cost of tending this precious orchid, a bloom I am slowly coming to understand but have little to go on. I wish that she was fully transplanted already and blooming hale and hearty so that I could step back into a more casual role of parenting.

Today, loud and clear, I got the message that there are no shortcuts to this transplant process. It will take toil, labor, sweat, tears, pain and self-sacrifice. (Those are terms I generally try to avoid in my comfortable life.) I may not like the cost but I will keep my eyes on the prize and be steadfast. We both went back to step one today and while there was resistance from both sides I know that we will regain the ground that was lost and continue forward.

I am sadly a product of this instant gratification, microwave society. I guess this is one way to nullify it's footprint on my life. The other would be to live as a hermit in a mountain cave with no modern convenience and I am WAAAAAY too social to do that!