Exhausted

That was the word for today. I found myself saying it over and over as people asked how I was doing. Yes, the lack of sleep and the high intensity of every waking moment of my little one has me worn thin. I got to take a break this morning as the 3 other girls and I went about our normal routine of HDO co-op classes. It was the last day for this term and I did not think that it was a good day to try to throw Sweetpea into the mix. She and Baba stayed home and watched each other and grew very bored, bored to the point that Sweetpea just started napping in a chair. Power napping so that she would have lots of strength for me when I got home!

The sweetness was when we prepared to leave this morning and she showed that she was anxious about my going. I know that it caused her concern due to all the changes recently but I reassured her I would return after lunch and that I would be loving her when I was gone. As we pulled out from the driveway her little sad face was so endearing and let me know that at least there has been a little progress.

This afternoon we took a ride over to the city and she was enamored by the big buildings and the lights. I have to think that it reminds her a little of Singapore but a whole lot colder. She was a buzz when we hit the streets with its traffic and I could tell that her impulse to fly out of my hand was very high. I was glad that my husband had strongly recommended using the body harness just as a safety. She bridled at it but did not take it off, so it was an overall success. I care very much that we help keep her safe against the impulses and old behaviors until she can grow new behaviors and handle some of her impulses. As I was riding home I looked back in the mirror and saw in a row two little kiddos with winter hatted heads drooped over each to the opposite side asleep. It warmed my heart.

I did a stint at home this evening solo as my beloved went into work for an evening shift. It went well but wrangling all four heads for baths was a much longer process. What was routine before has all of a sudden gotten complex by just adding one more. For some reason the three that know the routine can't seem to factor in one more in the process. Ah, the growing pains of a family. I know soon enough this will be all familiar and down to routine again, but for now it is chaos!

This evening I also got a good dose of Love me/ Leave me. It's a game played when one person tries desperately to make you believe that you are the last person on earth they wish to be with and want to be left in their misery and then in no time flat you turn around and that same person is clinging to you and hugging you and for the first time giving you a juicy kiss on the cheek. I am so glad that as we play this same game with God his love for us never wavers and his understanding of where our hurt and confused hearts are is long suffering. I am amazed at the patience and love God has given me for this precious child, I confess that it is not me that loves this child as much as Christ through me that sees the value of her life and says that she is dear to him.