Deep Sorrow, Broken Heart

Today was a hard day. For the most part it was typical in trying to get school done and tasks done with the new foursome. It was constant battle with Sweetpea for compliance over every request and trying to keep physical contact to a minimum so that incursions would be lessened. I had my hands full.

Then the magic hours came, the time between 4 and whenever. Moods swing and it seems more of a combat zone than the rest of the day. Every other movement involved contact with a sister and delight in inflicting some small injury. I took her alone to give her some calm time and a rest period but that only incited her more. I had to restrain her in order to protect myself and protect herself from her own rage. It was not a pretty time. As I firmly but gently held her she tried every trick in the book to make me regret it: pinching, kicking, head butting, spitting, biting to no avail...she was one mad kid. All the while I was calm and relaxed (as I could be and reminding myself to stay as loose as possible) and telling her that she was safe and loved. It took an hour for the anger to subside to be replace by a cry that was more of a howl. We sat still embraced but she was no longer combative while she poured out the depth of her soul in pain. She did not receive the comfort I offered but she at least felt my arms around her and heard my voice reassure her as she shared her pain. When it was over she was limp in my arms with a guarded look on her face, almost like she was afraid she would be disciplined for the meltdown. I instead whipped out a mini lollipop and started plying her lips with its sweetness. I cooed at her how hard that must have been for her to show me all that pain and how much I appreciated it. I applied deep empathy and more lollipop. We were drenched in sweat and I gave her lots of good back rubs and head rubs and she sat there sucking on the lollipop.

I offered her a warm bath and helped her take it. She perked back up after some dinner but her heart is very tender tonight. I went away from it hurting and sad. I cannot fathom the depth of pain this little one has experienced in her short life and I am so glad that God is on her side to heal her and see her through it. Where can this mama go to deposit all her tears over the heartbreak of her child?

Please continue to pray as this was the first in many, many times that she will probably need to express the pain she has inside. Pray that the other children will be understanding and supportive as she goes through this and that likewise their own tender hearts will be met and tended to by us as the days and weeks proceed.