First Month Anniversary

Today I spent praising God for His faithfulness in bringing Sweetpea home to us. There is this song that plays on the radio a lot and during the wait it spoke to me heart and always gave me hope to continue to pray for her, regardless of the outcome. Today I heard that song once while driving to church and once while driving home from church. I cannot contain my tears of joy at how things have changed. I am so grateful that I do not have to worry about her being there when I know that she is in a family which is trying very hard to love her, in spite of all she is doing to undermine that love.

I told you that yesterday I was not on task with her and I knew there would be fall out. Today was the fall out, which was hard to go through, but not as bad as it could have been. She just feels so insecure that we will be like all the people she has ever known, that something will cause us to reject her and she is waiting for it to happen. Today she was pushing for it to happen. In one moment she was pushing me away and then the next moment I would catch her up in my game of love and she would grab me for a hug and let me kiss her to then be angry with herself for allowing this to happen. It is so interesting to watch from an objective point of view but I am not always objective as I get exhausted and tired of always giving out to a child who cannot give back.

We have great hope for her and our family. I am so glad that God pursued us when we were content with the life we had. I know with just a month tucked under our belts that it's only going to get better from here, maybe not quickly but definitely better. I love this little girl. I am becoming fiercely attached to her.