Homestudy

God is sooooo faithful!

I can say that now with full conviction because the homestudy visit is over. For those of you who have gone thru this process you can probably understand quite easily.

Let me begin with how sovereign God is in this process. Everything is going so quickly. From getting in to see the lawyer in just a few days to needing to get the homestudy going so that it can be completed by the time we need to leave to go to Singapore in a month........zoom, pow! Adoption does NOT work like this!

When we called the agency that did our last homestudy and asked if we could have the same social worker come and do the update needed to start this adoption I was told that she is very busy, is about to go on vacation and then will start back to school so will be limiting her clients! Ugh! Yet God is delighting to surprise us as our dear friend who also uses the same social worker and is waiting to finalize the adoptions of her two sweeties just happened to have an appointment with our social worker for THIS Saturday. This same dear friend called me and said, "Take my appointment, it's okay I can wait, you can't". I was floored by that act of selfless love. The social worker too can't believe such an example of grace.

By the time we got word from the social worker that it was confirmed that she was coming on Saturday morning at 10 am it was Wednesday afternoon and we were already set to spend all of Thursday in New York City. I had such peace about it until Friday when the adrenaline kicked in as did the old fear of man and we cleaned the house preparing for an inspection from the white glove brigade. I wish I would have listened to the voice of God when he was telling me to chill about it.

The actual meeting went very well with all 3 girls in on the first half of the 2 and a half hour meeting. They got to express their concerns and hopes for bringing Sweetpea into our family and tell the social worker all about some of our preparations that we have made already. In the end she said she would approve us but was concerned that the amount of need that this child was bringing into our family might overwhelm the normal development of the rest of the children. She said she would be paying close attention to this throughout our journey together to the final adoption hearing. She was really encouraged that our church is such a supportive community and that we could be sustained in times of hardship by them. She couldn't have been more right about that!

Memories in motion

Here are the pictures of our time spent making the lovey bear for Sweetpea yesterday. I thought you would like to see some of the sweetness that was poured into the girls' preparation for their new sister.

Anniversaries and Memories

Today is the day many years ago that my sweet husband proposed to me under an enormous oak tree in the wine country of northern California. It was a day like no other and a delicious memory for the two of us. We celebrate it every year. This year we happened to celebrate it in New York City and the kids made it a special day for us, complete with enforced smooching.

While we were in NYC we also got to re-enact another great memory and pull it around full circle. When we were waiting to travel to adopt our youngest we, 4 at that time, went to Manhattan to get our Chinese visas in our passports. We made a sweet memory by stopping by the giant mega-store of Build a Bear to create a soft lovey for the sweetie we were waiting to meet. We made a bear which later became MoMei and is a much loved rascal having nightly escapades with our youngest. Our two olders remember that day very well and now to return and make a new lovey bear for Sweetpea was a delight to them. For our youngest it was her first time and quite the retail eye-openner!

We had such a nice time together making the bear and choosing an outfit. We really hope that this lovey will be as much a comfort to Sweetpea as the other bears are to her waiting sisters. She will come to us with nothing, perhaps only with the clothes on her back. We do not even know how tall she is or how much she weighs so buying clothes beforehand is futile. We want to lavish her with love but recognize that she will not be able to receive that right away because of what she has been through. Slowly and steadily we hope to win her heart and make her a true daughter of our family.

Met with the Attorney

Today we met with the adoption attorney. The great thing is that he has handled hundreds of disruptions and understands the unique situation they pose. He had done his homework and seemed to think that the special intrigue of this one was well within his scope, the others I had interviewed over the phone sounded entirely unsure about the legal entanglements.

He said that even though Sweetpea's family is currently residing in Singapore as American citizens he saw no reason that the adoption could not progress as a domestic adoption. He double checked everything and still it all seems good and can progress well. There is some question about the family not having the original birth certificate issued by China. This could pose a serious block to the adoption. I have to give this all over to God and trust Him.

The lawyer spoke so fast for the nearly 2 hours we were with him that I got writers cramp from trying to take notes. I kept having to interrupt him and say, going back to this point.....and again, back to this point......just to make sure that I had a clear understanding and was writing it down correctly.

He will next draw up a packet of legal papers for Sweetpea's family to sign giving us guardianship of her and legal rights for her medical treatment here in the US. We will have them sign and notarize these papers when we travel to Singapore in early October to meet her. Then they will also have the preliminary adoption paper work to fill out giving consent to adopt Sweetpea as well as a lot of other state mandated forms such as testifying that she is not Native American, and giving their medical background but this would only be applicable if they were biological parents to Sweetpea, which they are not.

When we return to the US with Sweetpea and give the lawyer all the signed paperwork he will then have 45 days to file with the court our petition with the intent to adopt her. They will then take up to 3 months to set the first hearing at which the parents have a right to appear but in this case the family will not choose to travel back from Singapore and will handle all the paperwork via FedEx. At that first hearing if all is found good then their parental rights will be severed.

Then another 6 months will be waited out with visits by the social worker and a final report made to our homestudy and the hearing for the finalization of her adoption will take place.

It is a much longer, more tedious road to adoption than we have travelled before. We have always arrived back on these here shores with the adoption finalized and only post placement reports back to China to worry about.

We are stepping out in faith. We feel like we are flying by the seat of our pants on this one. Nothing is so sure and yet we feel compelled by the Father heart of God for this orphan to reach out and create a place in our family for her forever. We pray we are not ahead of God in this endeavor and we cherish any prayers on our behalf pleaded before our gracious and loving Saviour.

"Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you
do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry."
Exodus 22:22-23

Chosen!

After days of babysitting the email waiting to see the parent's email pop up it finally came when I was not looking!

We had given them our final final answer but with qualifiers that may cause them to not chose us. We wanted to be truthful upfront and not have them make a decision in our favor and then reveal that we had these conditions that we knew they would not see as favorable. One of which is that we want them to agree to remain in contact with us throughout her young life and until she becomes a young adult and can make decisions for herself about contact. We want there to be an avenue for her to dialogue with them about the loss and trauma of her first years and her time with them when that time comes for her to do that emotional work. That might not happen until she is an older teen and we might naturally not know where in the world they are or how to contact them by that time. So, we wanted them to make this commitment to her now. We know that they are not open to this, so it would be a condition that could tip the scales out of our favor. Yet, we have to do what is right for Sweetpea regardless.

To our surprise this was not to hold them back and they emailed today to say that they felt we were a stronger candidate to successfully attempt to adopt Sweetpea. They said that since we have already had experience and success with attachment bonding issues they felt we might be able to handle Sweetpea's behavioral and attachment issues the best. We know that it is through God's gracious mercy to us that we know anything and have done anything to help our daughters. We take no credit for how God has miraculously healed the hearts of our sweet girls. We just pray that we will be similar instruments in God's hands for Sweetpea as well.

We also know that they made the decision out of what was most expeditious for them as a couple and not what was perhaps best for the child. They have ceased making decisions for her best welfare long before. We just trust the Lord that the decision is made by God for the His glory, and we have nothing else to be concerned about.

So, honestly now, I feel a little twirly and a lot like throwing up! A friend of mine has already said that that is a fine way to feel...it makes me truly pregnant!

Got the Documents!

We got the documents from the parents with very detailed information about Sweetpea. Here are some great new details we did not know before:

Sweetpea's name given to her in the orphanage in China was Jin JiaTong. Jin is the family name and given to her because she was found in the Jin area of the city. Jia means good and Tong means smooth, the caregivers wanted her to have a good and smooth life despite the hardships she might face. This was a sweet evidence of God's grace to her from the beginning.

One of the surprises that we need clarification on is that the medical from China says that she has 3 toes on each foot. We haven't heard anything about this from the parents, but it may be part of her developmental issues or her movement problems. We are going to find out about this.

Our own Olympic Event

Right in the middle of the Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics we get the call from Sweetpea's parents, the time difference didn't work in our favor. My sweet husband and I talked with the father for well over an hour. It was a good talk with a lot of new information exchanged and a lot of going over old information from a new perspective. This dad is a laid back Georgia boy and his slower manner of speaking and his relaxed tone helped adjust the tension of the conversion to a pleasant level. He gave his opinions and views candidly and said that he and his wife were very hurt by the great misunderstanding of those around them about their need to disrupt this adoption. He said they have lost their church, their friends and some family over this issue -- it has been emotionally charged and heart breaking. That let us know how hurt they feel and where they are coming from in the process. It helps to interpret some of the tone and language that the mother uses about the whole situation.

The conversation ended well and they promised to send a package of medical and adoption history to us next week so that we will have full disclosure. Then they want our final, final decision regarding adopting Sweetpea before they choose between the two possible families.

While it could make us a little crazy knowing that they could not choose us, it actually gives us a deep peace knowing that God is in full control over the process and that He will do what is His will for all our lives, without our trying to control it. I am good at resting in that place right now. I am wrestling with fear a little bit that we can't handle this so I am actually glad that we are not the only ones asking to adopt her. I am throwing myself on Christ and trusting him alone.

Some simple facts

Sweetpea is a Chinese girl of 5 years old.

She was adopted almost 3 years ago by an American couple when she was 3 years of age. The couple also had 2 biological sons, one slightly older and one slightly younger than her. They had no understanding of dealing with a post institutionalized child nor where they ready to deal with their own issues.

Now they wish to disrupt their adoption and find another family for her. We have been praying for her and about this situation for the past several months. We are feeling that we might be the family that God is calling to adopt her and help her heal and lead a whole life.

Her birthday is Oct 1st.

We are praying hard every moment of every day that the Lord will lead us in what to do, how to obey. We do not want to go thru unnecessary heartache and pain. We just want to obey what we hear the Lord tell us to do. We are stepping out in that simple faith.

Threw our hat in the ring

Today we threw our hat in the ring and after praying about this for months we contacted the parents of Sweetpea and requested that we be considered candidates to adopt her. They were very surprised to hear our plea and gave us more information and a little grace period to consider it once more before they made their final decision. They are also considering another family, a single mother with an 8 year old in Florida. We suggested that we have a phone conference over the weekend with all the parents so that the fathers could talk as well. So, it is with fear and trembling that we make the first steps to becoming Sweetpea's parents.

Turning the Fam 'o Five into 6 Across

We are officially announcing that we are pursuing the adoption of a little girl nicknamed Sweetpea. We hope to bring her into our family very soon and are working speedy-quick for this to happen......more details will follow.

We just wanted to get the word out and get a blog going to chronicle the often crazy, always amazing way God works in our lives.

May this story be a testiment of God's grace to all six of us and to His redeeming love in our lives.