Hospital Hot-potato

In less than a week after I am discharged from the hospital I find myself there once again but this time taking my beloved husband in to get help. I had hoped that he was finally getting strength to fight this long and weary illness that has taken him down but on Wednesday it took him down once more and so hard that I felt I had no choice but to take him to the ER. I was very thankful to be able to call upon the graces of SuperV to come and watch the kids while I took him to the hospital and sat with him until they said he was to be admitted once they had a bed.

We would be so appreciative of your continued prayers for our little tribe. Prayers for health and healing. Prayers for wisdom for the docs as they try their best to figure out how to heal my broken man. Prayers for peace for all my little buttons who are worried and fretful over their dear Baba being in the hospital and his absence from their daily lives.

Thank you for standing with us through this long travail. We will see the glory of God through all of this, it is our enduring hope.

Testings and Trials

Lest you should think that Sweetpea has been on some vacation whilst we have been sick, she has not. She has shown a side of grace that we were not expecting during the most difficult times, like when I went into the hospital, and for that we praise God. Yet as things begin to drift towards normal again Sweetpea is turning up the heat on her indignation at having been scared by all the illnesses and happenings. She has been back to being fully defiant and intolerably bossy in an attempt to control her environment. She has been gunning for my buttons for the past 2 days and today got disciplined for being dangerously aggressive in an activity over and over again. She was more surprised than anything that she got disciplined but had a good response to it afterward. After a long long day for me I wanted to try to end the day with her on a high note and gave her a shower. Even though she is old enough to shower herself I take the time to wash her down and do her hair for her and she seems to be very happy to submit to this level of care from me. After getting pj's on and cuddling in my bed for a few minutes of hair brushing and light back message she has a revelation out of the blue. "God made me just the way I am and He loves me very much." WOW, where did she get that from? Yes, honey you've hit the nail on the head. I felt like it was a home run moment as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her for as long as she'd let me. Some days you just don't know when it will all be worth it in the final moments.

The Long Road to Recovery

With all my heart I find myself wishing that we were fully back into the swing of life and with regret I know we are not there yet. It will take time, I know, but I am impatient to resume our routines and to get on with this new year. It seems that we missed out entirely on Christmas and New Years and then it sucked up my Beloved's birthday and any celebration for him. I was hoping that Chinese New Year would find us ready to embrace it's celebration but as it is tomorrow we will probably weakly acknowledge it's beginning. The kids are all doing much better but are stir crazy with cabin fever. Tension runs a little high and feelings are easily bruised. Someone in our home has been sick since Christmas Day.....that is a very long month we just lived through.

Mama admitted to Hospital

O' the news ain't terrific when I have to admit that I was installed as a permanent display at the hospital for having pneumonia. Yes, that makes three of us now having fallen to pneumonia. On Monday night my asthma, which is pretty insignificant usually, kicked in and I felt like I was trying to suck air through a wet sponge. After suffering through the night trying everything I could to bring relief my Beloved took me to the doctor. He and all the kids stayed in the car. The doctor took my blood oxygen level and as it around 90 he said I should go to the ER right away.

Well, I didn't because I have other people to think of besides myself. We all went home and my friend came to my house and took me to the ER, leaving everyone behind tucked in at home where they could rest the day and not be around a lot of other sick people. My friend, SuperV, did a great job once we hit the ER waiting room to make sure that I was not overlooked and brought it to their attention that perhaps I would do a lot better waiting-to-be-seen if I could wait with some oxygen on. They tested my blood oxygen and found it to be 86 and agreed. Breathing in that rarefied gas was a delight to both my lungs and my senses as parts of my brain started to come back alive. We had a very long wait as the place was over crowded and other more pressing emergencies had priority. I did get an xray while I waited and it verified that I had pneumonia in my lungs.

Once I was called into the emergency room things started to fly quickly. Blood was taken, medicine given and finally the long awaited breathing treatment. Ahhhhh, it felt so good to feel those stiff lungs open up again. Then came the not so great news, but one we all had discussed in anticipation before going, I was being admitted to the hospital..........do not pass go, do not collect $100, do not go home! After only a brief wait I was told they had a bed for me in the critical care center, the place a step down from ICU but up from the general population floor. I was delighted for the bed but discouraged to be admitted due to having drug resistant pneumonia. They slid me on the bed down the hall 50 feet and through some doors and then stopped at the end of the line. I did not know there was a unit on the ground floor adjacent to the ER but there is. They were to give me a window slot so that I could still be hooked up to oxygen and use the bathroom on a long line. When I went in I immediately saw in the corner of what previously appeared to be a windowless room, a window. I went over and saw that it was accessible from the ground and that this was a big blessing. Now my family could come and see me rather than having to abide by the rules of the hospital restricting all potentially ill visitors.

So, my family came over to see me in the window and I got to see them stand out in the cold and dance around for 5 minutes before heading back to the car. But it was such a blessing to be able to use it the days I was there. One morning I held court there and used the hospital socks as sock puppets to entertain the kids. Glad they kept me well supplied with props. I just kind of wonder what all the ambulance crews who watched in the distance thought of our merry band of window peekers and their severely deranged mother trying to amuse them? I just hope we don't see this on that funny video show someday!

I was in for 3 days and my heart was yearning for home. I was concerned for Sweetpea and her need for me. She did not do well that first day and really wanted me. Yet God was so sweet to allow us to comfort each other over the phone and that she accepted my comfort and assurances and calmed down over the phone amazed me. After that first day she found her stride and hung in till I was home, but boy is she glad I'm home now!

My Beloved is still struggling under the burden of the pneumonia. It is just not letting him out of it's clutches. While I was in hospital I was treated with 5 separate antibiotic treatment layers. I felt the stuff wipe out everything in me. I was never even as sick as my sweet guy and so I think he should go for a stay in the old hospital ward for his own antibiotic cocktail and see how fast we can crank him over back to health once more. I'll keep you posted as more develops.

I am home today and hit the ground running. The girls and I cleaned the kitchen and then started tackling the laundry. The two little girls dusted everything they could reach and a few things they couldn't. We turned off the heater and opened every window in the house to get as much fresh air in as possible. I sprayed everything down to disinfect it and overdid it a bit in that department. Tomorrow we tackle changing every bed in the house and washing the sheets. Never fear as recruits are coming in to help so that fresh made beds will be enjoyed by all come the evening. I mean to drive this plague from our land by sweat, steam and stubbornness!

God is so good. I would not have ever foreseen a stay in the hospital as being one that would bring so much fruit from so many directions but that is what appears to have happened. We have been blessed with amazing friends who have served us by coming by to take out the trash, to clean the kitchen, to bring us meals, to do our shopping for us, to hover over us and pray for us. This is wealth not measured on any index. God is just so amazing in how He is doing it all.

Hazmat Hattie's Rollercoaster

We are all ill, very ill. It's so unfun to have 4 sick babies and 2 parents barely able to get out of bed. Please continue to pray. My Beloved's pneumonia is responding to the meds but he is weak. I have a virus and bronchitis, am on meds. Second Button remains the sickest, not responding to the 2 meds and covered in hives. Dear girl is suffering. The rest have a virus with fever, we are round the clock taking temps and giving relief meds.

Double Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Blues

It's official......my Beloved has the pneumonia, perhaps a strain resistant to normal antibiotics as the ones he's been taking have left little if any dent in the problem. The double dip is that my sweet second button also has pneumonia. She takes after her dad in so many ways but this one she really could have skipped!

Top Button is with high fever, perhaps a virus.
Sweetpea also has a high fever and is miserable. Took her in again to the doctors today after yesterday's visit. She was presenting with some symptoms I had not seem before in kids. I was told it's pretty normal for high fever kids.
Littlest Button is our healthy one at the moment. She has just a small linger of her cough but no fever and is bright and shining, quite the contrast to the rest of the family.
I am going down. The lungs are acting up, there is ache in the muscles and joints but as it hasn't drug me under yet I will keep going.

Big thanks to MbS for the wonderful dinner and soup she brought round just because she felt inclined to do so. KG brought dinner last night and was much appreciated. The Kind K's are doing a pharmacy and store run for me this evening so I can conserve energy. I see the hand of the Lord all over our lives. Thank you for all the prayers too, we are desperately grateful.

Please also pray for my Beloved's boss, Song, as yesterday he went to the ER with Stroke symptoms. He was admitted for at least 48 hours. Pray that the Lord would move in his life and that healing would come. Pray for his wife and children.

Sufferin' Succotash

The word on my Beloved is that he remains the same. I feel so badly for him. Not only has it been so long and he feels so miserable but he just isn't even a shadow of himself these past weeks. The kids have started not expecting him to be around. They consider him the guy who lives upstairs and coughs a lot, like a neighbor we don't get to see very often but hear rattling around once in a while.

This long period of illness has gotten to me as well. I am beginning to break under the burden and strain of it. I felt so utterly exhausted today that I asked all the kids to take naps so that I could get one in as well. The dog was outside and I heard him barking but I was too exhausted to let him in at the moment. I thought he could wait another 20 minutes. Half and hour later I get a call from a stranger telling me she has my dog. He had escaped his confines and run off. I felt so terrible. They were very kind to drive him back to me as it was quite a distance and the kids were still sleeping. God was very gracious to me today.

If nothing else I am coming to the stunning realization of all the things done in our family by my main man. It is a dance between the 2 of us to cover all the bases and keep things around here flowing smoothly. Right now I feel like I cannot bail the boat out fast enough. Things keep creeping up on me. I appreciate all that my husband does with such finesse that it is when he is gone or sick that it really comes home to me how much I rely on him. He is such a good guy. I so hope he gets better soon, before this boat sinks.

Today as I was listening in to some highly imaginative play between the two littles in my family two things struck me as so cute. Sweetpea said over and again these phrases, I'll give prizes to anyone who can tell me the correct translation:

1. middle-yeee 2. morgan

If I gave you context you would get it right away. I'll give you all a day or so to send in your answers.......really I will award a prize to the first person who gets them correct!

on and on and on and on and on and ...............

Yes we are still under the cloud of sickness. My Beloved remains bedridden and hacking to beat the band. We really think it must be pneumonia as the fever persists even with antibiotics. Tonight the fever broke and he was glistening, literally had a sheen covering him. He has made it out of bed an entire 2 times today and once was for a shower I suggested after the fever broke to relieve him of his "glow".

The little ones are bearing up pretty well now. They are not entirely better but getting there slowly. The real crabbiness is fading away for the most part and we had a very enjoyable dinner together. After dinner we played a crazy game that had us all laughing at the table and Sweetpea wanted in on the fun so badly but she didn't understand the rules of such madcap chaos. We were roaring with laughter to which she scolded, "The neighbors will HEAR you". Possibly, but it was well worth the hoots and hollers. After several injuries we called a truce and went upstairs to get ready for bed.......oh, did I say truce? noooooooo, they ambushed me with water and I grabbed them for a tickle! It was great to put them to bed on a high note.

Today I went out to visit Grandma Helen. Sweetpea and I took her to get a wheelchair as that is sadly the state of where she is at for the moment. I have my hopes that it is only for the moment but something niggly inside tells me that this downhill slide is progressive. It was good to get that done but I rather felt exhausted today and was pulling energy out of thin air for everything.
Here are some pics from recent days:

The man who makes "death warmed over" look appealing

Little Miss Feet of Flurry. Too funny but she gets some nice air!

The beauties putting on "lipstick".........thank you Grand for the lip balm, we needed it!

Notice Sweetpea's pony tails? There is a cute story to them. She has been "thinking" about letting me put them in her hair for over a week. On this day I had the time and all the tools and I said it was the day. She sat there and said she wanted to think about it for a minute. I replied something to the effect of no more thinking lets just do it. She turns her face to me and with wide eyes asks in astonishment "No thinking in this family?" I laughed, she started laughing, and now it is a family joke. There can be no "thinking" in this family, if you catch us thinking just remind us, Sweetpea is on top of it as well.

My rating came in today

In the midst of what has been a very hard two weeks today Sweetpea felt it was most important that the Piper be paid. To which her ongoing assessment of me as a mother was made throughout the day. I confess I came in very low in the ratings and it hurt my feelings.

I know it shouldn't hurt my feelings but I have a 6 year old autocrat assessing my every move today, some of which were not stellar, and I struggled with not giving some "truth" right back at her.

I am not living in a state of grace at the moment. I am existing and hoping that I will make it through to the other side of this trial with an intact family and some ability to see where God has kept me from doing what I most eagerly would have done without him.

Sweetpea's demands for perfection are very hard for me to handle. I am a self driven person in that realm as it is and then to add a task master to the mix makes my hackles stand on end. I continually tell her that mama is a sinner and that I rejoice in being forgiven by Christ. To which she is eager to recount all my offenses one more time. In her mind I am the offender and she is innocent, she demands retribution from me.

As for the patients in my care:

• Oldest Button remains healthy and utterly helpful in all matters
• Second Button remains ill but there is slight progress towards health, 2 naps and lots of fluids helped
• Sweetpea still has a terrible infection in her left ear and is giving her lots of pain in her mouth and jaw (It is NOT stopping her from talking, lest you should worry!)
• Littlest Button is regaining strength and is almost on the cusp of kicking this thing, thanks to lots of antibiotics, naps and forces liquids
• My Beloved remains in a desperately incurable state. Another visit to the doctor and he got the pharmacy thrown at him! I think he has something like 7 scripts open at the moment to deal with this crud. He remains in bed and miserable.
• Grandma Helen, 76 years old, has broken a disc in her lower back and has gone from being frail but steady to discussions of nursing homes and hospital stays. She's at home alone right now and we are the first line of defense for her as her abilities are diminishing, both mentally and physically. Looking into getting her a wheelchair and in home nursing care.

Today Sweetpea also got her first cooking lesson, we started with that good old basic - J*ello. She made it for her ailing Baba as nothing else is appealing to him. Here are some snaps.

ditto

still sick. there may be a ray of sunshine for second button as her temps were lower all day. No such luck for my beloved who continues to be sicker than I have ever known him to be. Dare I say that he was the one who GOT the flu shot?

sick of being sick

The creeping crud is sticking to our family like glue. More doctor's visits today and calls into other doctors to get antibiotics and supportive medicines. I was a one handed paperhanger and pharmacy gopher for most of the day.

On a great note.....big news............all the paperwork is in to the lawyer along with the first deposit and he is ready to submit our paperwork to the court for the adoption of our dear Sweetpea. Having come these mere 7 weeks we now cannot bear to have anything muck the works up. This cannot happen fast enough for us but nevertheless it always is slower than we would like.

With the help of storyboarding Sweetpea's life, to the extent that we know it and that we have photos to give a visual stepping stone, she is making some advancement in acknowledging that we want to be her family. She is claiming us more and more in little ways and that is great encouragement that she is making the transition. She still verbally denies belonging to us or being in process of being adopted by us but I think that is mainly her protection against being hurt again. She has a right to feel protective and we are trusting that her need to protect herself from us will fade as we grow in love together.

There are no pictures recently. We are sick and smelly and often not out of bed clothes (the kids) so there has not been the great drive to take pictures. I promise to resume posting pictures ad nauseum as soon as we are all well again.

Thank you for your faithful prayers. Thank you for loving us through the rough patches of life. We are blessed with incredible family and friends!

5 Down, 1 still hanging in there by a thread

Today 2 went to the doctor's and by late afternoon 2 others should have also gone but we couldn't get them seen. Oh this has been one of those long, long spells of illness the likes of which we have not seen in our family before. Please pray. Pray specifically for compassion for each of us towards each other, the needs of five do not easily allow me to spread myself so thin and still keep everyone comfy. I am just so glad it's not something serious or deadly, just lingering and downright miserable.

Freebasing Sweetpea

On this first day of 2009 Sweetpea wanted to write the letter on the computer. I thought it would be short but just like her Mama she gets longwinded sometimes. Hope you are blessed by these string of thoughts!

We have books. We can have a lot of books. We can read. Mom and Dad read. Second Button and Top Button know how to read. We have a lot of foods. We have many things. We celebrate Christmas. We watch some movie. We have Chinese dolls for Christmas, me and Littest Button. My Chinese girl is Princess Sing-a-rella. We cuddle together. We read a lot of books. I drink all the water of everything. We have a lot of color books. Everyday we go to church, just Monday or Tuesday. We have a ball for Cody and play for Cody (the dog). We swing and play with Cody and Cody catch. Top Button have a doll. We play bears, me and Littlest Button and Second Button and Top Button. We play trains. Sometimes play downstairs, sometimes upstairs. I want to laugh at Mama silly. We play blocks and little peoples downstairs. We play cars. We are all matching with Littlest Button.

Sometime Baba go to work. Sometimes we do colorings. Sometimes we do bouncing very high, I am doing very high. Sometimes Mama bring me somewhere and Baba. We went yesterday on holiday and we go there and we eat ice cream. We saw lights. We went to 10 McDonalds! Me eating ice cream too. Me and Littlest Button. Mama bought me a Hello Kitty shoes. We cuddled together with Mama. My Chinese girl is talking to Mama "Hi-we are doing? I'm going to put pancake on you face. Everybody everyone! Okay?"

And Jesus birthday. Jesus birthday start with "J", "J for Jesus, J for Jesus". I read books all by myself with Littlest Button. Sometimes we play separate. Sometimes we do puzzles and play play dough with everyone. We make messies with playdough and get all yucky. Sometimes we paint pictures. And Littlest Button also. Sometimes Littlest Button takes a nap and sometime me. Sometimes Littlest Button cuddle together to be a Mama family. We put rainbow stickers everywhere on my face and Mama is taking a picture. Sometime we eat sometime we don't. Sometimes I crack Mama up. Sometimes Mama and Baba wake up everybody to go somewhere in middle of night. Sometimes we play le*gos. Sometimes Mama give me paper to cut. Sometime Mama give me presents. Sometime Baba bring me somewhere when he not sick. Sometime we wear our coat and sometime we don't and sometime we forget our hat and gloves on the swing. Sometime Mama wears slippers and sometime Baba too.

Happy New Year.