Hazmat Hattie's Rollercoaster

We are all ill, very ill. It's so unfun to have 4 sick babies and 2 parents barely able to get out of bed. Please continue to pray. My Beloved's pneumonia is responding to the meds but he is weak. I have a virus and bronchitis, am on meds. Second Button remains the sickest, not responding to the 2 meds and covered in hives. Dear girl is suffering. The rest have a virus with fever, we are round the clock taking temps and giving relief meds.

Double Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Blues

It's official......my Beloved has the pneumonia, perhaps a strain resistant to normal antibiotics as the ones he's been taking have left little if any dent in the problem. The double dip is that my sweet second button also has pneumonia. She takes after her dad in so many ways but this one she really could have skipped!

Top Button is with high fever, perhaps a virus.
Sweetpea also has a high fever and is miserable. Took her in again to the doctors today after yesterday's visit. She was presenting with some symptoms I had not seem before in kids. I was told it's pretty normal for high fever kids.
Littlest Button is our healthy one at the moment. She has just a small linger of her cough but no fever and is bright and shining, quite the contrast to the rest of the family.
I am going down. The lungs are acting up, there is ache in the muscles and joints but as it hasn't drug me under yet I will keep going.

Big thanks to MbS for the wonderful dinner and soup she brought round just because she felt inclined to do so. KG brought dinner last night and was much appreciated. The Kind K's are doing a pharmacy and store run for me this evening so I can conserve energy. I see the hand of the Lord all over our lives. Thank you for all the prayers too, we are desperately grateful.

Please also pray for my Beloved's boss, Song, as yesterday he went to the ER with Stroke symptoms. He was admitted for at least 48 hours. Pray that the Lord would move in his life and that healing would come. Pray for his wife and children.

Sufferin' Succotash

The word on my Beloved is that he remains the same. I feel so badly for him. Not only has it been so long and he feels so miserable but he just isn't even a shadow of himself these past weeks. The kids have started not expecting him to be around. They consider him the guy who lives upstairs and coughs a lot, like a neighbor we don't get to see very often but hear rattling around once in a while.

This long period of illness has gotten to me as well. I am beginning to break under the burden and strain of it. I felt so utterly exhausted today that I asked all the kids to take naps so that I could get one in as well. The dog was outside and I heard him barking but I was too exhausted to let him in at the moment. I thought he could wait another 20 minutes. Half and hour later I get a call from a stranger telling me she has my dog. He had escaped his confines and run off. I felt so terrible. They were very kind to drive him back to me as it was quite a distance and the kids were still sleeping. God was very gracious to me today.

If nothing else I am coming to the stunning realization of all the things done in our family by my main man. It is a dance between the 2 of us to cover all the bases and keep things around here flowing smoothly. Right now I feel like I cannot bail the boat out fast enough. Things keep creeping up on me. I appreciate all that my husband does with such finesse that it is when he is gone or sick that it really comes home to me how much I rely on him. He is such a good guy. I so hope he gets better soon, before this boat sinks.

Today as I was listening in to some highly imaginative play between the two littles in my family two things struck me as so cute. Sweetpea said over and again these phrases, I'll give prizes to anyone who can tell me the correct translation:

1. middle-yeee 2. morgan

If I gave you context you would get it right away. I'll give you all a day or so to send in your answers.......really I will award a prize to the first person who gets them correct!

on and on and on and on and on and ...............

Yes we are still under the cloud of sickness. My Beloved remains bedridden and hacking to beat the band. We really think it must be pneumonia as the fever persists even with antibiotics. Tonight the fever broke and he was glistening, literally had a sheen covering him. He has made it out of bed an entire 2 times today and once was for a shower I suggested after the fever broke to relieve him of his "glow".

The little ones are bearing up pretty well now. They are not entirely better but getting there slowly. The real crabbiness is fading away for the most part and we had a very enjoyable dinner together. After dinner we played a crazy game that had us all laughing at the table and Sweetpea wanted in on the fun so badly but she didn't understand the rules of such madcap chaos. We were roaring with laughter to which she scolded, "The neighbors will HEAR you". Possibly, but it was well worth the hoots and hollers. After several injuries we called a truce and went upstairs to get ready for bed.......oh, did I say truce? noooooooo, they ambushed me with water and I grabbed them for a tickle! It was great to put them to bed on a high note.

Today I went out to visit Grandma Helen. Sweetpea and I took her to get a wheelchair as that is sadly the state of where she is at for the moment. I have my hopes that it is only for the moment but something niggly inside tells me that this downhill slide is progressive. It was good to get that done but I rather felt exhausted today and was pulling energy out of thin air for everything.
Here are some pics from recent days:

The man who makes "death warmed over" look appealing

Little Miss Feet of Flurry. Too funny but she gets some nice air!

The beauties putting on "lipstick".........thank you Grand for the lip balm, we needed it!

Notice Sweetpea's pony tails? There is a cute story to them. She has been "thinking" about letting me put them in her hair for over a week. On this day I had the time and all the tools and I said it was the day. She sat there and said she wanted to think about it for a minute. I replied something to the effect of no more thinking lets just do it. She turns her face to me and with wide eyes asks in astonishment "No thinking in this family?" I laughed, she started laughing, and now it is a family joke. There can be no "thinking" in this family, if you catch us thinking just remind us, Sweetpea is on top of it as well.

My rating came in today

In the midst of what has been a very hard two weeks today Sweetpea felt it was most important that the Piper be paid. To which her ongoing assessment of me as a mother was made throughout the day. I confess I came in very low in the ratings and it hurt my feelings.

I know it shouldn't hurt my feelings but I have a 6 year old autocrat assessing my every move today, some of which were not stellar, and I struggled with not giving some "truth" right back at her.

I am not living in a state of grace at the moment. I am existing and hoping that I will make it through to the other side of this trial with an intact family and some ability to see where God has kept me from doing what I most eagerly would have done without him.

Sweetpea's demands for perfection are very hard for me to handle. I am a self driven person in that realm as it is and then to add a task master to the mix makes my hackles stand on end. I continually tell her that mama is a sinner and that I rejoice in being forgiven by Christ. To which she is eager to recount all my offenses one more time. In her mind I am the offender and she is innocent, she demands retribution from me.

As for the patients in my care:

• Oldest Button remains healthy and utterly helpful in all matters
• Second Button remains ill but there is slight progress towards health, 2 naps and lots of fluids helped
• Sweetpea still has a terrible infection in her left ear and is giving her lots of pain in her mouth and jaw (It is NOT stopping her from talking, lest you should worry!)
• Littlest Button is regaining strength and is almost on the cusp of kicking this thing, thanks to lots of antibiotics, naps and forces liquids
• My Beloved remains in a desperately incurable state. Another visit to the doctor and he got the pharmacy thrown at him! I think he has something like 7 scripts open at the moment to deal with this crud. He remains in bed and miserable.
• Grandma Helen, 76 years old, has broken a disc in her lower back and has gone from being frail but steady to discussions of nursing homes and hospital stays. She's at home alone right now and we are the first line of defense for her as her abilities are diminishing, both mentally and physically. Looking into getting her a wheelchair and in home nursing care.

Today Sweetpea also got her first cooking lesson, we started with that good old basic - J*ello. She made it for her ailing Baba as nothing else is appealing to him. Here are some snaps.

ditto

still sick. there may be a ray of sunshine for second button as her temps were lower all day. No such luck for my beloved who continues to be sicker than I have ever known him to be. Dare I say that he was the one who GOT the flu shot?

sick of being sick

The creeping crud is sticking to our family like glue. More doctor's visits today and calls into other doctors to get antibiotics and supportive medicines. I was a one handed paperhanger and pharmacy gopher for most of the day.

On a great note.....big news............all the paperwork is in to the lawyer along with the first deposit and he is ready to submit our paperwork to the court for the adoption of our dear Sweetpea. Having come these mere 7 weeks we now cannot bear to have anything muck the works up. This cannot happen fast enough for us but nevertheless it always is slower than we would like.

With the help of storyboarding Sweetpea's life, to the extent that we know it and that we have photos to give a visual stepping stone, she is making some advancement in acknowledging that we want to be her family. She is claiming us more and more in little ways and that is great encouragement that she is making the transition. She still verbally denies belonging to us or being in process of being adopted by us but I think that is mainly her protection against being hurt again. She has a right to feel protective and we are trusting that her need to protect herself from us will fade as we grow in love together.

There are no pictures recently. We are sick and smelly and often not out of bed clothes (the kids) so there has not been the great drive to take pictures. I promise to resume posting pictures ad nauseum as soon as we are all well again.

Thank you for your faithful prayers. Thank you for loving us through the rough patches of life. We are blessed with incredible family and friends!

5 Down, 1 still hanging in there by a thread

Today 2 went to the doctor's and by late afternoon 2 others should have also gone but we couldn't get them seen. Oh this has been one of those long, long spells of illness the likes of which we have not seen in our family before. Please pray. Pray specifically for compassion for each of us towards each other, the needs of five do not easily allow me to spread myself so thin and still keep everyone comfy. I am just so glad it's not something serious or deadly, just lingering and downright miserable.

Freebasing Sweetpea

On this first day of 2009 Sweetpea wanted to write the letter on the computer. I thought it would be short but just like her Mama she gets longwinded sometimes. Hope you are blessed by these string of thoughts!

We have books. We can have a lot of books. We can read. Mom and Dad read. Second Button and Top Button know how to read. We have a lot of foods. We have many things. We celebrate Christmas. We watch some movie. We have Chinese dolls for Christmas, me and Littest Button. My Chinese girl is Princess Sing-a-rella. We cuddle together. We read a lot of books. I drink all the water of everything. We have a lot of color books. Everyday we go to church, just Monday or Tuesday. We have a ball for Cody and play for Cody (the dog). We swing and play with Cody and Cody catch. Top Button have a doll. We play bears, me and Littlest Button and Second Button and Top Button. We play trains. Sometimes play downstairs, sometimes upstairs. I want to laugh at Mama silly. We play blocks and little peoples downstairs. We play cars. We are all matching with Littlest Button.

Sometime Baba go to work. Sometimes we do colorings. Sometimes we do bouncing very high, I am doing very high. Sometimes Mama bring me somewhere and Baba. We went yesterday on holiday and we go there and we eat ice cream. We saw lights. We went to 10 McDonalds! Me eating ice cream too. Me and Littlest Button. Mama bought me a Hello Kitty shoes. We cuddled together with Mama. My Chinese girl is talking to Mama "Hi-we are doing? I'm going to put pancake on you face. Everybody everyone! Okay?"

And Jesus birthday. Jesus birthday start with "J", "J for Jesus, J for Jesus". I read books all by myself with Littlest Button. Sometimes we play separate. Sometimes we do puzzles and play play dough with everyone. We make messies with playdough and get all yucky. Sometimes we paint pictures. And Littlest Button also. Sometimes Littlest Button takes a nap and sometime me. Sometimes Littlest Button cuddle together to be a Mama family. We put rainbow stickers everywhere on my face and Mama is taking a picture. Sometime we eat sometime we don't. Sometimes I crack Mama up. Sometimes Mama and Baba wake up everybody to go somewhere in middle of night. Sometimes we play le*gos. Sometimes Mama give me paper to cut. Sometime Mama give me presents. Sometime Baba bring me somewhere when he not sick. Sometime we wear our coat and sometime we don't and sometime we forget our hat and gloves on the swing. Sometime Mama wears slippers and sometime Baba too.

Happy New Year.

4 Down, 2 Up

Well today I took zero pictures. I just did not have time. There are too many not well feeling bodies in my household who want to be held and hoping that mama will make them feel better. My Beloved was forced to go to work today but came home looking worse than when he left. He managed to say that people kept asking if he was okay and he WORKS at the hospital!

Please pray that this viral plague will pass from our household. Pray that I will continue to be able to love these sweet sick babies and their precious Baba until they are back to bouncing.

Ups and Downs, Part 2

Today I again affirmed that the nursing profession is far harder than it looks. My Beloved is still down for the count. This flu has hit him very hard. Today he managed two blocks of time being upright without the fit of woosies that was the plight of yesterday. I was glad for at least a hint of progress in that direction. He is usually the stalwart one, healthy and robust, that is except when he gets sick of course.

My oldest button got better today by a lot but my other 3 buttons are running fevers as of tonight. They were all out of sorts today as well and I should have checked them earlier but I missed it until suppertime. So far God has preserved me in the midst of all this yuck, I pray for His strength to continue.

Even with the viral plague going round the family we managed to get some school done, mostly reading stuff and enjoyed some playing as well. There were moments in the day where everyone was almost content. At the end of the day I realized that I had not had 5 minutes all day to do any of the things that I needed to get done. I wonder how I am ever going to progress in life when right now I am so snowed under, then again there is always spring and perhaps the things that are buried will bloom into beautiful flowers? Probably not but pardon me for being delusional for just one moment to think this might happen.

Today in devotions I was encouraged by this passage:

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by
human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives
all men life and breath and everything else. Acts 17: 24-25

I was encouraged that the God who gave us life and breath this very minute knows our needs for the future and will provide the " everything else" that we are often anxious for. I marvel at God's love for us.

3 Up, 3 Down

I knew today was not going to go well last night. Still I prayed and was hopeful that everyone would wake up feeling better and able to go to church........it did not happen.

My Beloved was the first to declare himself officially sick yesterday. It looks like the flu and it is hitting him hard. My littlest button has been running a temp for both days and while not fully sick is feeling under par while my oldest button keeps running to the bathroom and telling me that she thinks she has what Baba has. That leaves the other 3 of us to nurse and care for the sick 3 while staying clear of them in hopes of keeping ourselves from getting what they are clearly not enjoying.

It's the joys of Christmas, eh?

On the sweet side today Sweetpea came dashing to me asking how to spell her name. This has come up many times and there is a struggle in her mind because she knows how to spell the name she was given in her first family but we keep talking to her about wanting to name her a new name. Well today she floored me when she told me she wanted to know how to spell the new name and then ran back to the littlest button to relay the new found information. This is a positive step.

Tonight as I was putting her to bed I asked her about her hair. I wanted to know how she would like her hair to be styled as the cut is beginning to grow out and I wish to know if I need to plan a trip to the hair dressers. She looked at me with such sweet eyes and melted my heart as she told me she wants long hair, it came out of her almost like a plea from the depths of her heart. I told her that would be fine, we could grow her hair out long and find a style that she liked. She rewarded me with such a look of love. OHHHHHH, sweetness!

A Wonderful Christmas

Christmas Day was a whirl of excitement and activities. Every year we go as a family to the inner city and join a group of people who make soup and sandwiches to deliver to the homeless and poor on the street. IT has been one of the highlights of our Christmas celebration and we all look forward to it. This year my Beloved took our oldest two daughters while I stayed at home with the youngest two. The night before had proven too much for Sweetpea to handle and we wanted to safeguard her from another overload at our expense. Hopefully next year we can all be together in participating. The ones who went had such a great time they came home with color in their cheeks and excited stories to tell. They jumped back into their pj's to get comfy and regaled us of their adventures. We 3 girls at home had not been idle as we were putting on the brunch feast. It's a simple but heralded feast of scrambled eggs, fruit, toast, cinnamon rolls and BACON! It's the one time in the year when I cook bacon for my Beloved and everyone loves it. We feasted and talked and made merry while the tree and it's presents sat unmentioned. After eating we all nestled on the couch and I read aloud from a book we are trying to finish. After a few chapters we set that aside and my beloved donned his festive hat and gave the children their presents. They were delighted.

I have been concerned coming into Christmas as Sweetpea really struggles with seeing anyone else receive a blessing of any kind. She struggles with jealousy and comparison and often would go into a royal sulk even when she had gotten something as well. I was delighted this Christmas day that their was none of this evident. She was curious but seemed content and quite happy with her own blessing. I sense a settling in her understanding in how our family functions. How we are different than previous families she has experienced and that she will get her fair share without having to compete or demand it. At least for today. This mama's heart is rejoicing.
After gifts we all got dressed and made our way over to our friends home for the big feast. I love the fact that this friend who claims to be no M*Stewart constantly opens her home and her table to many offering simple nourishment for body and heart. I wish at times I could be more like her. At this moment I am just so glad to be invited. We spent an evening of engaging fellowship and I laughed like I haven't laughed in the last 6 weeks. It did my heart good. It was better than a vacation for me and I left with a light heart.

I am overwhelmed by God's goodness to us during this season of our lives. He is allowing us to watch the miraculous work in Sweetpea's life, He is guiding our other 3buttons in areas of growth, He has surrounded us by a cloud of friends who become pillars for us in our weakness, and the overwhelming gratitude I feel for His redemption in my life.

That dreaded Christmas Pink Slip

All you don't want for Christmas is that dreaded pink slip, and yes my beloved got it. Can not believe the timing of it though. He will work thru until mid January. We are trying very hard to keep our eyes on Jesus as we face this trial, nothing is unexpected to Him. The biggest thing that my heart struggles with is the loss of health benefits having kids with critical medical issues. I know that God is faithful and I will keep my heart stayed on Him.

This Christmas Eve we went to church and enjoyed the singing and service. I was amazed that even Sweetpea is singing along to some of the songs. Her favorite by far is Joy to the World, she knows most of it. My second and fourth buttons were on the stage singing and it was sweet to see. Sweetpea had a very hard time with having someone else have something special. She became very disruptive to the point of striking out at me. I realize that the whole day has been an overload of stimulus for her and it would have been better for her to skip this evening but I selfishly did not want to miss my buttons' performances. For most of the service Sweetpea was fit to be tied and it took some time afterward to see her transition back to calm.

We arrived home to the towns annual fire brigade neighborhood parade with a Santa and a sleigh. Sweetpea has been waiting for him for a little while now. His wagon stopped in front of the house and all the girls still festooned in their princess dresses from church hopped around on the sidewalk. They gave him a plate of cookies (there's a funny story about that from a couple years ago, oldest button is still holding a grudge, AK) and he gave them each a candy cane which they rushed in to put high up on the tree. Sweetpea wanted to know if that was all there was to be with the big guy and why did he have goats driving his cart? So funny we just laughed.

We took some Christmas pictures mainly because I'm a mama'ratzzi and they were so beautiful in their couture. Then we sipped eggnog and shared what we were most grateful for this Christmas. It was a sweet evening. Now they are all snuggled in their beds begging to sleep in late tomorrow.........yes, we raise them wrong around here right from the start.

We send you each our prayers for a blessed Christmas and that you would know the miracle that happened that silent night long ago in Bethlehem for yourself.

MIA? No, just overwhelmed

Banana Eating Races

Sorry to be so long in getting back to the blog. The solo parenting thing was so much hard work with no break.....I really would not volunteer to do that. I managed to keep everything going and sustained life and limb but the sheer lack of rest was too much. By Monday I could not truthfully vouch for a conversation I thought I had on the phone, did I really make that important call or did I just dream I had? Too many flying monkey's through this old cranium at the moment.

It was such a relief to have my beloved husband and daughter back home. I slept soundly the moment I heard them come in the house even though I had not managed to sleep most of the night up to that time. They had to wake me just to make sure I knew they were home.

We are feebly making an effort at Christmas preparations this year. No cards have gone out, I don't know if they ever will. We have a tree up and it is specially decorated by the two littlest buttons. That is to say that the bottom front quadrant is well decorated and the rest was bare up until an hour ago when the older girls threw a few more on the top boughs. It will do I am sure for this Christmas, we are downgrading our standards. The mainstay of decorations the creche inside and the manger scene outside are up and I am glad for that.

The littlest button is trying to learn three songs for the Christmas eve service at church. She was trying her hardest in the card today when she grew silent. I asked what was wrong and she said the sweetest thing, "I can't understand what the song is saying. It's too mus-ee-ish." She's such a hoot.

Sweetpea is greatly looking forward to Christmas. We don't know what part yet though. She likes the tree and the cookies. She liked Grand's spice cake yesterday when we got it in the mail but today she declared it had too many raisins in it for her. I think she's liking the festivities but she is not delighting in the frantic pace that our lives have taken, even though it is not anywhere near full pace for us.

Something that speaks to our hearts

Adventures

Today we were up very early and off the the airport to take my beloved husband and eldest daughter to their plane. They are off on an adventure together.

So I am solo parenting until Monday. I do not do solo well and I am glad I am not required to do it often. This case was very special as it was for Kiyoshi's wedding and I wish we could all go, but it just wasn't feasible at this time.

The trio and I did some errands and I really stretched myself because before today we have not really run errands with Sweetpea, especially solo. But we even did a warehouse shopping visit (brief trip for basics) and she did very well.

I love the fact that she has become very "us" in a short time. She has converted to loving ketchup, not as a condiment but as a food group. She has decided she likes pasta with red sauce, for most instances. She was truly against cheese when she came and I did not know how she was going to avoid all the cheese in our culture but I need not have worried because today she begged me for cheese. My all time favorite is that she would not go near a salad and yet over the month she has come to love salad so much that I feel guilty if I have a salad for lunch and the kids are not.

When we got home we found out that the lovely adventure had taken a turn for the worse. They were stuck at a midwest airport unable to make their last flight to their destination. Not only that but at least 2 other family contingents were also stranded far from their final destination. The grandfather who has had a nearly 20 year moratorium on airplane travel broke it to go to this wedding and he was one of the ones held captive at some diverted airport. I wonder if he will ever set foot on another plane again! I mean AFTER he gets home. Well after many long hours of drama they finally all got there 7 hours late.

It has been a looooong day. I have 3 small bodies camped out in my bed, I wonder where I am going to sleep tonight?

A Ray of Sweet Sunshine

Today was a bright spot. I don't know how the pressure valve was released from today but it was and I am so grateful. For everyone who has been praying for me and us I want you to know that it matters, greatly and I am so appreciative.

Today the big excitement I had was that as Sweetpea was talking during dinner she talked about this new family name of the day she gave us all and then proceeded to call us all out by these names. Then she included herself but she used the pet name we have been calling her by for these several weeks. I am delighted that she is referencing it.

She also opened up to me about when she first came to us and that she cried because she really missed Carmelita. It was so great to hear her initiate a conversation about her feelings and want to draw me into it. What a great day!

We're the Hunny Bunny Fam-a-lee

Today Sweetpea named us the Hunny Bunny Fam-a-lee. She named all the people in our family including herself as belonging to this Bunny Family. That is a great step forward. Even if it is play it is wonderful to hear.

That was the high point of the day as much of it was very hard and very sad. She had a lot of sad to get out today and it is so hard for her to let me into that sadness. Yet she is always good at rewarding me for my persistence in some small way after the time we spend together. It is an exhausting experience for us both.

Tonight was historic in that my sweet beloved and I got to enjoy a date out. YES, you did read that correctly, we went out without any children. A real date, it was like manna in the desert to my weary heart. It was 2 hours of not being mom to anyone and finding pleasant conversation with another adult. O joy! That must be a new personal best for us... date after a month of having a child - inconceivable!

Please pray for me as I have reached a new level of tiredness and have found myself growing weary of the constant strain. I want to be a great mom for this super kid but I have lost my stamina. Pray that with every new morning I would find God's refreshing mercy enough to do what is best for her in the way He intends it done.

We heard from the parents for the first time in 4 weeks. They wanted to discuss the legalities. They did not inquire at all about Sweetpea. That makes me so sad for her. She has lost so much.

Monday in Pictures

We had a long playdough party today. Some sweet friends saw the plea for playdough and tools and came to my aid. The kids indulged their creative juices and kept the party going for as long as they could.

Here are some sweet sisters who were shocked to find out that they matched for pj's tonight. Sweetpea wore these new pj's for the first time and then realized that her oldest sister's pj's had the same pattern and color. What is it about matching that makes a person feel special? It worked twice today that way when both littles got dressed and ended up with butterflies on their shirts as a coincidence. Sweetpea dubbed us the "Butterfly Family" for the day.

This has to be voted Sweetpea's funniest sleeping position yet. What a silly girl.